Peacefulness

website-check it out

www.jesusbranded.com

I'm not that into "Christian" clothing, but this site is thee coolest. Cute and unique designs with a good message. Good find, good find.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We spent Thanksgiving this year away from the doggies and in Michigan to visit Kevin's parents. Kevin's gramma turns 93 tomorrow! So we had a Birthday party for her when we were there. It was so special for us and her.

One of the days we were there,  Kay treated Madelynn and I to a Tea House lunch, and Painted Pot-(I am terrified to see how mine turns out:)

Halloween 2008!

How To Build CommUNITY

I found this bookmark at a Thrift Store a month or so back, that is titled, "How To Build Community." It has all these neat, cute practical ways to build community, and I thought I would post them:

Turn off your TV

Leave your house

Know your neighbors

Look up when you are walking

Greet people

Sit on your stoop (what year are we IN)?

Plant flowers

Use your library

Play together

Buy from local merchants

Share what you have

Help a lost dog

Take children to the park

Garden together

Support neighborhood schools

Fix it even if you didn't break it

Have pot lucks

Honor elders

Pick up litter

Read stories aloud

Dance in the street

Talk to the Mail Carrier

Listen to the Birds

Put up a swing

Barter for your goods

Start a tradition

Ask a question

Hire young people for odd jobs

Organize a block party

Bake extra and share

Ask for help when you need it

Open your shades

Sing together

Share your skills

Take back the night (hmm ?)

Turn up the music 

Turn down the music

Listen before you react to anger

Meditate a conflict

Seek to understand

Learn from new and uncomfortable angles

Know that no one is silent though many are not heard and work to change this

Alice & Cuddles

After church on Sunday, our Pastor reminded us that God's Kingdom if we sign on as REAL disciples that is will cost us EVERYTHING but it will be FREE.  Jesus used extreme examples to get the point across like, "Hate your Father and Mother." And, "Sell all your possessions." 

If we have a balance in our walks with the Lord, we know this basically means, don't have any idols, God is first in our lives, and don't cling to the world; come against it and be a nonconformist. I mean, it means a lot more than that, but we must live outside of our confines, we have to re-program our minds to get out of thinking about "Me." My Pastor was reminding us that God isn't a part of our lives, He is our lives. It's not separated. WE are not at the center, but HE IS. And this takes, TIME, DISCIPLINE, FORMING NEW HABITS, COMMUNING WITH GOD, PATIENCE, EFFORT, SURRENDER; all these things everyday of our lives. 

I thought the message was the essence of Christianity; like the highest class in College--Christianity PHD!

Well, after hearing a sermon like that, I had to get myself out of the equation, and go see this Alice that I  had met new church once at an outreach. She lives in the High Rise near church. When I met her a couple of months ago, she asked for my number and wanted to keep in touch. We talked about our dogs a lot; we both have Poodles. We said we'd take our dogs for walks together or that I'd pick her up for church sometime. And although I still think of her often, I hadn't called her yet. I'm working hard to maintain other relationships, so it's hard to integrate new ones. But, it's the Lords work, and I must submit to that regardless of my schedule, my convenience, or my excuses.  As much as I wanted and felt like going home after church, it's not about ME, it's about God.  Paul didn't even make it about himself when he was miserable from being beat almost to death and then put behind bars as an innocent man! And in life, we seem to always make it about ourselves, we always seem to be at the center of the equation.

So we went over to this High Rise, and I had lost her phone number, but I figured there would be a guard at the desk, but the thing is, is I was sure there would be a million other Alice's! I thought it was a long shot to find her. So when Kevin and I walked in, I saw a resident, and asked about a desk person, she said there wasn't one on the weekends! I thought, great, I will never locate Alice! The woman asked who I was looking for and I mentioned "Alice", no last name, just "Alice". She said, "I know Alice she lives across the hall from me!" And I said, "How do we know if it's the same Alice?" She said there was only ONE Alice in the whole place!

So we went up the elevator with her, and sure enough, it was the Alice I had met just a couple months ago, and her dog, Cuddles. I could not believe it. I just thought for sure, this was too easy! But everything is easy for God if you know what I mean--I don't think it was a coincidence that Mary (the woman we saw when we walked in), happen to be where she was at the right time.

Well, when we got to visiting with Alice, (and Cuddles, thank goodness for Cuddles), I asked her if she had any family. She said her Husband died like 11 years ago, but that she has "some" children around town. She said they never visit her; only on the Holidays sometimes! I could not understand that and still don't. I mean, there must be some reason, but as far as I am concerned if you have a Mother in a Nursing Home who is 81, there is no GOOD reason to not visit! It saddened my whole being; I was so overcome with sadness for Alice. Even if it was a situation where she told her children she didn't want them to visit and she was cranky and mean (which from what I know she isn't), you, as her children, still go and see her. 

I couldn't believe what grief filled my heart. And I am sure Alice is not the only one, as a matter of fact, I know she isn't, from experience of hanging out at Nursing Homes through the years; these elderly ARE lonely! They need people, they need touch! 

I am just so happy that Alice has been going to Woodland Hills on Saturday nights, that warms my heart. And I will keep in touch with her, even if it's once a month, that is something I can give. If you know someone in a nursing home, and don't spend much time with them at all, please reach out, and take the time to do it. If you don't know anyone, that is OK, you can reach out like I have--there are Homes in every City! They want, they need visitors! 

Step outside of your own confines, and just do it! Get ahold of that PHD!

Helps A School

I was trying to think of a savvy Native American name title for this short article, but all I could come up with was "Helps A School". 

Anyway, I helped a school a few months back in South Dakota. It's called St. Joseph's Indian School, www.stjo.org

I was inspired by the watching the movie, 'Dances With Wolves'! Wow, I know it's an older movie by now, but I had never seen it and man is it beautiful or what??? ALL I could think about for MONTHS (and still do), are the Indians and how rude and wrong it was of us to do what we did to them. I know that sounds so simple, but it's the honest heart of it. I am so heart broken for what happened.

Anyway, I started to become obsessed with like the stuff I'd see that the Indians made--like in local shops and stuff. I really wanted to support them and give back. 

We were at the Mall of America, and they have a whole store that is all Indian stuff! I was in heaven! I didn't buy anything but what I really wanted was this thing the Indians make that they call a "Dream Catcher". 

So anyway, I  donated to this school. I think I sent just a small amount of money, but boy, were they appreciative! And let me tell you how I know.

The other day I went to get my mail and there was this package that was addressed to me. I couldn't figure out what it could be because I didn't recognize the sender. But what was inside was the most exciting thing!!!

It was a package from the school I helped out--and inside was the gift of address labels, stickers (like pretty ones), 2 different note pads with leafs on them, a certificate with my name on it in recognition of,  AND best of all-A DREAM CATCHER! I LOVE it. I freaked! 

I was so excited I was running around the house showing my family, "You'll never guess what I got? Look, look--it's one of those dream catchers!"

It now hangs from my mirror in my car--I am so proud of it--

So I thought I was blessing someone by my gift of giving, but as usual, the receiver always ends up blessing me:)

P.S. Another flag discussion: I actually saw an American Flag with an Indians face on it at my daughter's school---how cool is that? I want one of those flags!

The Layers Of The Earth

My daughter is studying Geology in school, which is the study of the Earth. When I asked her what she was specifically learning, she first told me about the 3 different layers the Earth has.

They are the CRUST, the MANTLE, and the CORE.

As a bit of a philosopher and as a writer, right away I thought about how this was similar to the human condition.

The Crust of the earth is the very outer layer, it's the thinnest of all three, and it doesn't take much to break through (which I guess scientists actually have), weird to think that's someone's job.

The Mantle is the second layer in, and that one is deeper and they have not yet gotten to that ( I think Madelynn said they got one tiny corner area of it)--but it's just too difficult, too thick or whatever.

Then the last one is the Core. That is the CENTER of the earth, and they have yet to even TOUCH that.

Are you seeing a resemblance here, or am I the only one?

When I think of the human condition and how we were MADE to be in relationship with God and with one another, I think of this visual of the Earth's layers. 

I think everyone would desire to live from their core, but because our CORE is so broken and hurt, that makes it that much harder to get to our MANTLE.  And because we have so much pain from our past, which turns into fear disguised in various forms: abuse, hidden sin/secrets, shame, greed, pride, abandonment, loneliness, and on and on, most people can only get past the Crust and the Mantle.  The Crust is "self" focused, it's all about "me". 

I look at the Crust as a very basic (not that that is bad or negative), part of our being. It's being able to have conversation with others, it's sharing where we work, and how many children we have or if we are married. It takes place with our Co-workers, in the lobby area of your church, and with strangers.  Those kinds of things,  also known as "surfacie."

It's a pretty easy and safe layer to break through. Although there are some that aren't even comfortable with this layer, whether it's in a social situation with lots of people, or one on one.

In relation to God, this layer is maybe going to church every Sunday or maybe not. And that is it. Nothing more, nothing less. The have an awareness with God, but aren't able to enter into deep relationship with Him, or others.

The Mantle, the second layer, is a little more difficult to get through to, but you may be able to make some progress.  

The Mantle is a both about me, and about others. This is where relationships can start to form and a lot of us have gotten through to our Mantle and others' Mantle. 

What takes place here, is relationship, and often steady relationship. It might not be authentic and real every time, but it's where a lot of people are functioning day to day. It's our sisters, our parents (maybe), husbands and wives,  (let's hope they'd move to core), casual friends etc...There is some "meat" in these relationships, but there is still some fear there. There might be some accountability, but we aren't really putting our all into others or pursuing wholeness for ourselves.

We are opening up in this phase, but back down sometimes, and it might not be continual relationship.  We still seem to have some walls up, but we are still wanting to be real, and wanting authenticity, but we realize there is risk, and pain is risks best friend. Because entering in to a relationship can be painful; we get hurt and we hurt others. It's usually about time too; not making time.

 

In regards to God with this layer, we are pretty close to Him. We go to church, we worship, we "try" to do good, we can sometimes follow through in the week this way, but a lot of times because that Core isn't reached, we can't quite stay in relationship with Him--there are still things in the way--we aren't reading His Word, or passionately pursuing Him because of SOME THING, usually our self, being in the way.

The  last layer is the Core. The core is not self focused, it is others. Which obviously, if you've read this article at all, is the hardest to reach, and very few do. 

This is where Jesus, I believe says the 'Road is Narrow".  Ones who are living at their Core with others, self and God-- are in authentic, time consuming relationships, and living outside of their fears and selfish wants. It's ones who work fervently on themselves and weed out the baggage and get healthy. They aren't perfect, and they aren't always in "mode", but they are living it day in and day out--but they can't do it themselves. They need encouragement from others they are in relationship with and they need to access the Holy Spirit.

 

They look for growth everywhere they can, and they take suffering and turn it into a lesson. They are honest with themselves and others and there is really nothing to hide and are hiding from nothing. They are still working through fears and all the things that come along with the CRUST of their soul, but they are seeking and working, and moving in relationships. 

They put their heart, soul and mind into it and actually feel the exhaustion from it.  This is GOOD, but very hard work. But in it and through it you are working on yourself and helping others. 

At the Core, it's not just YOU, but the other layers it is still about you. The Core is others. It might sound confusing because you are working on yourself, but the reason you are in the Core, is because you want to be like Christ, and live whole and healed, and realize life is found in being like your Maker, and serving others.

Oswald Chambers said it this way: "Exhaustion means that our vital energies are completely worn out and spent. Spiritual exhaustion is never the result of sin, but of service. Whether or not you experience spiritual exhaustion will depend on where you get your supplies from. Jesus said to Peter, "Feed my sheep". The process of being made broken bread and poured out wine means that you have to be the nourishment for other people's souls until they learn to feed on God. They must drain you completely, to the very last drop. But be careful to replenish your supply, or you will quickly be utterly exhausted. Until others learn to draw on the life of the Lord Jesus directly, they will have to draw on His life through you. We owe it to God to be our best for His lambs and sheep. Have you delivered yourself over to exhaustion because of the way you have been serving God?"

 And I also think he hits the nail on the head when he says this: "What hinders me from hearing is my attention to other things. It is not that I don't want to hear God, but I am not devoted in the right areas of my life. I am devoted to things and even to service and my own convictions, if you are not developed and nurtured in this devotion, you will only hear God certain times. At other times I become deaf to Him because my attention is to other things-- things which I think I must do. This is not living the life of a child of God. Have you heard God's voice today, do you make and take the time?"

I pray that myself and everyone reading this, will continue to strive to live in their core-that is where real life is found-we are all in different places in our lives for different reasons. But we can be used for so much more, if we are living out of our Core. We become mature, and we are able to find joy in our suffering and realize as we attempt to get to our Core, that we find who we really are, and become healthy. We grow and become strong--able to share our life with others for a greater good.  So live, live from your Core, no matter the risk, no matter the work, no matter the pain. You will become not just sort of free, but abundantly free. Not being tied down to old hurts and fear. You will be functioning outside of that surfacie way of doing things. 

Live how you were originally created to be. God created us to live from our Core, but the world keeps us in our Crust.

World Flag

I wonder if one exists? I need to google it or something to find out. I mean, I know (we), I live in America, and I am very privileged that God placed me where He did, I have SO much! I get the whole America thing and our freedoms here, and I understand that Soldiers give their lives for our Country (I probably don't appreciate that enough, because I can not comprehend it), but we live in the World, not just America. 

I say this with risk--the term 'God bless America' bothers me. What about 'God bless the World?'

I mean 'God Bless America' too, but also all the nations-the whole world! Why do we have to exclude ourselves in songs and anthems? I don't understand it. I personally don't feel "American", I don't feel separate from other countries. I feel like I don't want to even be labeled that I'm American, even though I know I am. But I would not say, " I am proud to be an American;" I would say, "I am proud to be loved and lavished on by the Almighty." " I am proud to be a disciple." 

I am not being Anti American--I just feel like because God created everyone--all ethnicities- the whole earth, that there should be more of an emphasis, or acknowledgement on that, not just America.

I don't even like when people say, "What race are you?" To me, there is only one race, "The Human Race."

I would like to think of myself as connected to ALL, because God created us all! I don't want to be labeled, I just want to be His daughter--His child---His beloved.  That's it.

OK-I need to go google "World Flag now", and you can bet if there is one, I'm getting one; and if there's not, I'm gonna figure out a way to make one and market it!

GOD BLESS THE WORLD

Miss Madelynn Violet

                                                                 What happened to my little girl?

Unique Shopping

www.shopplasticland.com

A neat site for shopping for yourself, or if  you are looking for a cool, unique gift idea. The variety is awesome, and the prices vary too. There is jewelry, home decor, clothing, handbags and much more---I even saw a vintage serving platter!

have fun

Cucumbers

I ate a lot of cucumbers this summer. One of my friends gave me a ton of them from her garden. I figured the bloating was worth it all, because they must be packed with something! 

I couldn't remember, so I got my handy dandy book and found out:

Vitamin A-4%

Vitamin C-6%

Calcium and Iron-2%

So not much, but still something. Rated highest for Vitamin A-Sweet Potato!

                                                             Rated highest for Vitamin C-Broccoli!

                                                             Rated highest for Calcium-Broccoli again!

                                                             And for Iron- the Potato

This is just vegetables, not fruit.

Here's how I ate my cucumbers. I peeled the skin, and cut the slices into halves. I mixed them with:

1 T of Olive Oil

1-2 T of Ranch Dressing (I used Annie's Brand, buttermilk)

and quite a few shakes of 'Red Wine Vinegar'

and Salt and Pepper to taste

YUM

Friends are good

Me and my girlfriend Ann

Me and my girlfriend Amy

Peace Breeds Peace

Are the very people protesting and rioting right now in my city over the Republican National Convention also waging Peace?

just wondering; more later

One Day

One day, I'll find relief

I'll arrive

And I'll be friends with friends who know how to be friends

One day, I'll be at peace

I'll reach out

and breed compassion

One day, I will be healthy

I'll be reasonable with my emotions and thoughts

and safely share them with others

One day, I will be healed

I'll find my true self

and work through pain I've carried for years,

I will gather my wounds and end this tragic drama

Ever unfolding

Ever expanding

Ever unraveling

Ever learning

Ever adventurous

I'll be spacious, authentic, and grounded and whole

Off to the Cabin!

My family and I went to McGregor, MN for 3 days to a gorgeous cabin that my sister's friend owns. We had the best time ever. I enjoyed an Iron Butterfly (got a little tipsy), campfire songs(Kevin and Madelynn were sooooo good at them, they taught all of us), lots of good food, dancing, lots of laughs, board games, a Pontoon ride, and just good quality family time. It was really beautiful too, we were in the Savannah Forests, and there were green meadows and marsh everywhere. Enjoy the photos!

A Day on the Pontoon!

More on the Lake & at the Cabin!

Isn't this a sweet picture of Madelynn! Love those eyes!

Her friend Kelsey took this.

Underneath

Look at us break our bonds in this kitchen
Look at us rallying all our defenses
Look at us waging war in our bedrooms
Look at us jumping ship in our dialogues

There is no difference in what we're doing in here (behind closed doors)
That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there
So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here---our underneath

Look at us form our cliques in our sandbox
Look at us micro kids with both our hearts blocked
Look at us turn away from all the rough spots
Look at the dictatorship on my own block

There is no difference in what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there
So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages (faking, not being authentic, drawing a pretty picture, covering up)
When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here--our underneath

How I've spun my wheels with carts before my horse
When shine on the outside springs from the root
Spotlight on these seeds of simpler reasons
This core, born into form, starts in my livingroom

There is no difference in what we're doing in here
That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there
So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here--our underneath

Written by Alanis Morissette

Mixed Baggage

I know I haven't written in a while. My mind, heart and soul have been on overload! And sometimes when it gets that way, I can't speak, write or pray. I just have to "remain".
One place I have been in my walk with Jesus, has been that in over 6 years, I bought my first non-christian Album. I think it's because one of the ways I am feeling is a little "rebellious". Not that it makes me a rebel if I buy a secular album, but if you know me at all, that is a rebellious thing for me to do. I have been feeling like I've wanted to shut things out; such as wisdom from others, morals, and even some of my time with Jesus. It's like I need a break if that makes senses at all.
I think it's because I am reading this book on Co-dependency, and I feel like that is a separate journey for me, a recovery in a sense that I need to just have "Gina" time whatever that might look like. I've even felt like going to a night club lately! I wouldn't make it past 10:00 o'clock, so it's probably not going to happen, but that gives you an idea of what I'm going through. I also feel like I've wanted to act single. Like not so much "acting single", but just to separate mentally and just look out for me for once. This life we live in the Kingdom IS all about others, but I'm so out of whack, that I take that to the 100th degree, and get hurt in the process, and that is what needs to stop. And I think the only way to do that is to focus on myself for once in my life.

So here is what God is showing me:

*never be too comfortable in your words, as they can come back and bite you in the _____!
*we need each other and support (in my case some experienced strangers (from church) that know about co-dependency) to get through this life
*we all have a basic need: to love and to be loved in return
*when you are vulnerable and hurt, satan cooks up some good temptations-and you become open to them no matter how much Christ is in you
*every single solitary thing we do, every single solitary word we say is our choice-and it either brings safeness or danger to the soul
*we can not serve two masters--it's one or the other--our flesh (satan), or the spirit (Jesus)
*the journey in life is your own--God is telling a story everyday, what will your story be?

Madelynn's Dance Recital 08'

Your Favorite One

We've been singing this song in church lately, it's by an artist called Misty Edwards. The title of it is "Your Favorite One". The first time we sang in was a couple of months ago and I was really uncomfortable. I just felt like I couldn't get myself to sing it to Him. I was thinking to myself, "Me? I'm not Your favorite one, me? this piece of crap?"

Isn't that terrible!? I just didn't feel worthy enough to come before Him in worship to sing, "Jesus, here I am Your favorite One."  It just didn't feel right, because maybe, just maybe, that girl over there is His favorite one. 

Well, I must not have been the only feeling or thinking that way because Greg (my Pastor), got up at the end of that song and said, "I know it might feel a little arrogant singing that song to Your Savior, but remember, we are ALL His favorite ones; He is a big enough God that we are all LOVED equally and are all His favorite, so you can go before the throne with confidence, not arrogance, and know that YOU are HIS favorite one!"

What a bold thing to do huh? Especially if you have such a jacked up past as mine; the fact that I can go before the throne in gladness, joyfulness, and zeal, singing, "Jesus, here I am Your favorite one." That takes some soul searching and lots of time in relationship with Him to really mean it and feel it and believe it.

So, ask yourself this, is that something you could sing before the Lord? And if not, how come?

Do what it takes to be able to get to that place, because it's the most amazing feeling, Truth in the world! I can't believe I'M HIS favorite one!

I Don't Know How To Love Him

This is the title of one of the songs in the play 'Jesus Christ Superstar'. At first, when the woman (Mary), was singing it, I couldn't comprehend what she could mean. I was falling in love with the song, it was so beautiful, I had never heard it before.

After sitting there it took on it's meaning for me. It's neat cuz it's like this, she is basically saying to Jesus, "I don't know how to love You". The more I thought about it was was like this for me: she was in such AWH of her Savior, of her God---she is so in LOVE with Him that she doesn't know how to handle herself over Him. She's overwhelmed and on her knees over what He who He was to her (accepting her after committing adultry), and what He was yet to do for her, (die).

It's like it was so powerful that she couldn't handle her emotions, or her gratitude--she wanted to love Him JUST RIGHT, but wasn't sure how---she didn't want to "mess up", she wanted to appear worthy, and give back to Him. 

The scene and what she sang was so powerful. It's how I feel toward Jesus, still, everyday. It's like I love Him so much it hurts--I want to give Him so much and love Him so much, sometimes I don't know how!

And then there's Judas. I mean talk about not knowing how to love Jesus on a whole other level! He was stricken with temptation over looking good, pleasing the people, and GREED. It was clear He did love Jesus in His heart, but he was swayed, and wasn't sure how to love Him. And because of that it cost Him His life. Judas cared more about what others thought, and WHO others were than he did Jesus, and because he gave into temptation, he paid way to much attention to his own desires. 

WAYS TO LOVE JESUS:

*Simply take on His mind and heart over yours (get into His heart and mind by reading His Word, taking time in meditation and prayer, writing, reading devotionals, and disciplining your habits to form new ones for Him)

*Take time for God and others (the lost, co-workers, your children, your spouse, other relatives, and friends)

*See people through the eyes of Jesus, otherwise it will be doubly difficult to love them, and it will be easier to not judge them (we are all created equal and made in God's image)

*Continue daily to give up yourself, and all your idols and all your ways, be conscience of how you're living and if it looks like Christ (how he would act or respond in life)

*Forgive others

*Be generous with your time and money

*Be gentle and use kind words that build up and encourage others

*Love the unloveable

*Praise Him with all your being

*Don't give into to violence or revenge

*Don't focus on yourself (have a Kingdom mindset and build that, instead of trying so hard to build the "world") everything you do or don't do will build or not build the Kingdom

*Be in community with others, we can't go through life on our own (step out of your comfort zone, tell people you need them, even though it's risky)

*Honor your body

*Telling your children about Him

These are just some ways on how we can love the Lord. I am sure you can think of plenty of other ways! 

Here's to the King!

Madelynn's 1st Formal (without a boy)!

It was a neat evening. There were about 4 teenage girls here at our house, 3 Moms (not including me), 1 Gramma, and 2 Step-dads!

I made a Taco Bar, and did all the girls' make-up. Madelynn was still wearing her Boot from her broken foot, so they 'be-jeweled' it, it was cute! (I used the extra bejewels to dazzle up my cell phone).

Madelynn's friends straightened her hair, and she                    looked just stunning! 

The Remedy

Here we are

Here we are

The broken and used

Mistreated, abused

Here we are

Here You are 

Here You are

The Beautiful One

Who came like a Son

Here You are

So we lift up our voices

We open our hands

To cling to the love

That we can't comprehend!

He is the One 

Who has saved us

He is the One

Who embraced us

He is the One who has come

And is coming again

He's the Remedy

Written by David Crowder

So if you find yourself once and a while, or everyday-down and out over what life has brought you and still bringing you, it's OK. Don't look for some other remedy to help you. Life will without a doubt disappoint us and so will people in your life. There is only one remedy for our ailments, I promise you---run to HIM! Stick to Him, and keep Him at your side--He is all you will need. You will feel like you want something else to help you; alcohol, movies, make-up, fashion, pornography, drugs, others, money, your job---any escape. But there is no escaping this world and what it has to offer; it can really be painful--and when it is, turn to THEE ONE MEDICINAL thing that will work-JESUS.  Even when it's NOT painful, He's the One! 

I've tried mostly everything else! Sorry, doesn't work:) 

David Crowder seems to agree.

stay tuned. . .

Did You Know?

Recycling one aluminum can saves enough energy to power a TV or computer for three hours? Don't ask me how!

And that each County has a ECO-Site that you can bring "stuff" too? Like when you get your oil changed, you might not be able to trust that the guys there will dispose of it properly and if they don't it can pollute our water. If you take it from them, you can bring it to your County Site and they will ensure proper disposing! All automotive fluids, including:

*Antifreeze

*Coolant

*Gasoline

*Steering Fluid

And that putting Tile in your home is not a better solution for the environment? One of the better things you can place on your floors is Linoleum. It's actually a natural thing, it's made from Linseed Oil, which is Flax oil from the Flax plant! Isn't that cool! And everyone thought Linoleum was cheesy!

Some of my other favorite ideas:

*Purchase a non-toxic hand wash in bulk and use the same pump over and over

*Cut down on bottled water, and purchase a #2 or #5 or # 7 recycled plastic water bottle; OR better yet an all Aluminum one, they have absolutely no leaching--which means, none of the heavy metal (aluminum) is like coming off while you drink and harming you. The recycled plastic ones above I mentioned are not 100% leach proof (I am sure if you did your research you could find one)

*Wash your floors with a Steamer---works excellent and no chemicals needed!

*When you have parties (10 people and under), use your own dishes and silverware instead of buying and using paper plates/napkins and plastic cups/ware

*Bring Canvas bag/s to Target, Grocery Stores and other misc shopping (some places give you a discount too if you byob)

*Use non-toxic aromatherapy enhanced counter top spray---it's an easy switch, and there are no harmful chemicals, AND you get the benefit of essential oils!

*RECYCLE! For a list of all recyclable items, contact your local garbage company

*Baking Soda and Vinegar are natural cleaners; you can even wash your clothes with them!

*Of all fruits, buying Organic Apples is the MOST important! 

*Save your Java Jackets from the coffee shops to re-use next time

*Bring your own mug instead of using their paper cups at coffee shops

Stay tuned. . .

I FINALLY believe in Angels!

I know that sounds strange coming from a believer like me, but it's true. I know it's biblical and "factually" true, but I could never really accept it, or wrap my brain around that part of my walk with Jesus. Well, today that all changes. 

As you all know I went to a specialty surgeon out in Bend, Oregon for the surgery of my life. The doctor I saw out there was not in my network, but he is the best in the field for what I needed, and he was one of the only doctors that could help me, and I believe he did (aside from some normal post op complications). 

My husband quit his job of 4 years, and was going to be on COBRA (BCBS of California), for about a month, and it happened (inconveniently) during the ONE month my surgery was, go figure. I just don't like being in limbo, you never know what it will entail.

Our new insurance for his new job was to start Jan 1, 2008. My surgery was December 20th, so I had a hospital stay in Bend from Dec 19th-21st. That bill was over 10,000 dollars. When I spoke with the insurance company a couple of months ago, they were JUST seeing the bill come through, and when I asked how much they'd cover, she said that because Dr.Redwine is not in network, they would probably pay close to nothing!  Now obviously I am use to medical bills, I have probably racked up hundreds of thousands of them over 11 years. In those 11 years, I usually have to pay a portion, around 20%. 

The woman on the phone proceeded to tell me that I should prepare for a fight. To get information from Dr.Redwine as to why I had to go to him and why another doctor in network couldn't treat me. She said that I would need lots of documentation, possibly medical records etc...

After talking to Redwine's office, they said lots of women have had to "fight" to get their hospital bill paid, but that they would provide me with articles and such that have helped other women in the past get at least a portion of the bill paid.

All I could think was, "Good thing I don't work right now, this is going to be so time consuming, and a lot of piddly work, and so hard----." I just kept thinking, "I hope I get someone with a kind heart and compassion to work with at the insurance company, otherwise, I'm screwed!"

Well, little by little my ambition and will is coming back, and although I've been dreading the phone call to see if BCBS has acknowledged the bill and what I need to do to get it paid, I made the phone call today---20 minutes ago.

I dreadingly I told the woman on the phone that I was looking for a medical bill that I called a couple months ago on that they hadn't gotten to yet, and that it was now that I needed to call and find out the status on it. I gave her the dates, location and approximate cost---she said "Hmm, yes I see it here, for ten thousand five hundred eighty three dollars and 76 cents?"

I said painfully "Yep, I'd like to know where you're at with paying any of that and what I need to do to start the battle to get you guys to pay it." 

She said, and I quote, "THAT AMOUNT HAS BEEN PAID IN FULL, NO MEMBER RESPONSIBILITY." (very matter of fact)---

I said, and I quote---"WHAT????" 

She repeated, "THAT BILL HAS BEEN PAID IN FULL, NO MEMBER RESPONSIBILITY, IT WAS PAID ON MARCH 22ND, 2008!" 

Tears instantly filled my eyes, and I said, "HOW CAN THAT BE, I WAS TOLD IT WOULD BE A FIGHT AND THAT IT WOULDN'T BE EASY TO GET EVEN A PORTION OF IT PAID BECAUSE THE GUY WAS OUT OF NETWORK, HOW CAN THIS BE??"

I said, "I don't even owe a portion? None of my surgeries have ever been covered 100%!" 

She said, "It's paid mam, in full." 

I asked her if she was sure and then I said, "WHO DO I THANK?" 

She said, "Well, no, we thank YOU for choosing, Anthem Blue Cross!" 

I told her she had no idea of what a blessing this was, and that I thank them SO SO much, and that I must have an Angel, because this just doesn't happen! I told her this as I was crying, and she sort of laughed kindly and we said goodbye. 

God showed me today that I have a personal Angel, and I love it!!! God is really just too good!

My date with Ivan J. Krizan

When we moved onto this block in Hastings almost 2 years ago now, I discovered I had the cutest neighbor in the WORLD! His name is Ivan. He and his wife Mary, live right next door. He is so cute that he calls my dog Nells, "Lars!"

He is 76 and very hard of hearing; he lost good hearing in both ears in the war. He has 10% in one ear, and 20% in another. He said he doesn't want to use hearing aids because aside from the fact that they help with hearing, they also amplify everything. And he says he doesn't want to hear EVERYTHING better! SO, we all have to speak, slow and steady-not high pitched, and then be a translator between him and a worker if we are in public like I had to today at Caribou Coffee-there is where we had our first date!

I became friends with them at a block party last summer and really hit it off with them. They are world travelers, and them like me (and my Husband Kevin), love Europe. So we all connected in that aspect a lot. They are also spiritual people, and philosophers sort of, so we also hit it off with that too! 

Since that block party, (and before of course), I've been pretty sick- they know my health story, and they knew about my most recent excursion to Oregon to "get fixed". Anyway, during my recovery, they brought me a lot of the lunches that they ate and didn't finish. They would be over promptly around 12:35 pm with it. Their visits were priceless. I love having that generation in my life. I love to learn from them, and they always seem so fascinated by me (which I have to admit I love)! 

Aside from Ivan loving my dogs-he is always saying what an angel I am, and always telling me he better be careful around me or Mary will get jealous!  Well anyway, while I was recovering he always said he wanted to pick me up (even though we live right next door)- and go out for coffee one morning when I was feeling up to it. Well it finally happened! We arranged the plans a couple days ago and he showed up at my door promptly at 9:30am this morning! He opened my car door for me and everything! 

We went to Caribou and even in the car on the way, we started chatting away, there was never a dull or silent moment-no awkward silences, or pauses! Just pure conversational bliss!

When we got to Caribou, (it was his first time there)-I introduced him to all girls I use to work with there-and he said to them "Isn't Gina an angel?" Well, on with the story-I had to translate what he couldn't hear when they took our order. Then when we got done ordering, he couldn't figure out why we didn't get our drinks. I explained to him that we had to go down now to the end of the counter "bar", near the big fake white coffee cup was, to pick up our drinks. He ordered the "plainest coffee they have with cream." I ordered a half caf Latte'. 

We found a cozy area near the window, and didn't stop talking until he dropped me off at my door step 2 and a half hours later! I learned about his family, he learned about mine. We talked about traveling, and where we'd still like to travel to. We talked about God, and Jesus. We talked about work (he was a Teacher at Hastings High School for 25 years), children, spouses, health, politics, faith, hope, forgiveness, the elderly, food and art.

He was so considerate saying, "Now look how rude I'm being talking about me and my life, now how about you and your life, that's what we need to talk about."

I was so blessed today with this time-what a gift from the Almighty! I encourage everyone reading this to reach out to people-especially "older" people. They need us! We need them-Ivan had his spirit fed and I did too-both in different ways. Make time to befriend people, and see what God will do with it. 

Thank you for listening to my story of my date with Ivan. OH, and he smelled good too! 

6th Grade Reading Level

I had a realization last week as I was watching my daughter prance around the house (and yes, she prances). As I was watching her, I was thinking about how far she's come with things in her life and how far I'VE COME with things in HER life.

One of those things is her reading. I knew since the 1st Grade that is would be a struggle for her, not just intellectually, but personally too. She doesn't LIKE to read. She doesn't have much of an interest unless she has to. She much rather spend her time dancing around the house, listening to music or just hanging out in her room. I knew it would be a job for me to try to keep her interested and an effort to make sure she read at all! I think little things have helped, like doing her devotional together at night before bed; or her reading out loud (I still love to hear her do that in her room)!

The first time we found out she was struggling with Reading was in Grade school at Linwood. I think she was in 4th Grade and they said she was reading at like a 1st or 2nd Grade level. I freaked out! That feeling of knowing that about your child, as much as you don't want to, you almost feel like your child won't have a chance in life or something. Or that she was, dare I say it, "dumb".  I was so frustrated and worried. I worked really hard at helping her. I tried to find her books that she found interesting. Books she'd WANT to read. It was not an easy task. 

Madelynn was a little concerned too, she wondered if she was "bad" because she was so far "behind." So of course I worked that out with her. It just seemed like such a HUGE problem and such a scary thing. I was pretty overwhelmed. I thought "How am I going to help my daughter? Is she really in trouble here?"

Well, she was tested again last year, and sure enough this reading test said about the same thing, still 2 years behind! Neither of us were as concerned as we were the first time we heard it a few years ago. Madelynn has been reading well, and on her own, and out loud. And at her conferences, her English teacher said she's doing fine, just stick with helping her out and she'll be ok. She said not to be alarmed about it. Madelynn and I more or less just accepted it. I asked her if it bothered her, and her response was "Not really". 

Well, she was just tested again a few months ago, and Hallelujah! She's at a 6th Grade level (she's in 7th grade)! Only one year behind according to the world! But ya know what I realized? It IS according to the world! I mean I went from 8 years ago thinking she'd never learn to read, to 4 years ago realizing she had trouble with reading and being very freaked out about it, to more recently still finding out that she's below average and not really caring!!!

Of course I care! BUT-I am not worried. I will continue to help her and encourage her. But the beautiful thing is, is she doesn't mind either! When she showed me these test results a week ago, she actually handed me the slip of paper while she was prancing around! She is confident to know that she isn't interested in reading, but she will read because it's required. She's confident that she is good at other things, usually we are the best at the things we are interested in. 

Either way you slice it, Madelynn was made in the image of GOD! She wasn't and isn't made in the image of the WORLD. So even if they told us she read at a 2nd Grade level, that is OK with us! Her and I both have grown, and we've moved on from clinging to what the world and teachers and tests will say about her. It's about what I say as a Mother, and ultimately what God says, and who HE made us to be! Ain't no reading test gonna interfere with that!!!

To Be Called Beautiful

What I wouldn't give

to be called beautiful,

oh how I would feel,

oh how I would feel

To catch his eye

or for him to look

my way-

you have no idea

how much for

this I pray

How would it feel

to be noticed in 

such a way...

to capture one's heart

with my beauty?

this is what

I long for day to day

But Lord, why should I worry so?

When I know

this happens everyday to me

with You

Not From the Outside In

As a 6 year veteran in my walk with Jesus, I have grown and matured in many ways thanks to the Holy Spirit working in me and me holding on to Him for dear life! I went into reading the Bible with a 4th Grade reading comprehension, so the fact that I can read it and understand it, and then convey it and live it out, is truly one of God's miracles!

But one of the big things I've seen on my journey with the Lord, is how the way parents are raising or have raised their kids. I do not want to criticize here or anything like that. I don't want to be judgmental. This is more of an opinion that has formed from experience (I don't even like to form opinions or give them much of my time because that leads to judgement). So look at this more of a perspective, ya, that's a good word, perspective. 

Of a lot of the adults I know now that grew up in "Christian homes", a lot of them were raised similarly. One things I've noticed, (and living with my Husband has opened my eyes up to this a lot), is the voice of the parent/s has been an authoritative one. A lot of kids are raised in christian homes be told what to do and what not to do. Let me be more specific. One things we hope for our children as we raise them is to follow God's will into their singleness, and as they grow in that that they stay abstinent. Another example is that we want to teach our kids to stay away from drunkenness. One other example could be to teach them not to swear. The examples of what we want for our children in a godly life are endless. 

The problem I see with telling your kids to stay away from these things (I am not saying NOT to tell them to stay away from these things or beware of these things)-is that it becomes more or less a set of rules. And you know how it is when we as adults try to abide by a set of rules-if we don't have Christ in us, we could NEVER abide by that list! Anyway, I am not trying to say that we shouldn't teach are kids this stuff, I just think it's been a little backwards for too many years. Here's why.

If we just go on and on to our kids, and give them all these biblical "rules", but they haven't accepted Jesus into their hearts and if they aren't fully surrendered to Him and finding a new life in Him, then that is what they will remain-rules. They won't become a way of life that has made them a new person. In my experience when children are raised this way, they tend to "fall" really hard as adults, or become backsliders. They also can grow up as adults resenting Christianity, or just be mere believers-not really living out God's Word.

One example of this is this: My daughter LOVES LOVES LOVES, I mean LOVES Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana)! She also loves The Disney Channel in general. She is 13. Her room looks like mine did when I was 13 (except my posters were Jon Bon Jovi, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper), you cannot see her pretty painted blue walls any longer! They are line with POSTERS! At first it botheredme; even though most of the kids on her walls are good role models, I just didn't like the focus on the "world" ya know? And how empty it can be to chase after the Hollywood stuff. But I've been there. I was that way up until 6 years ago! I didn't change until God changed the desires of my heart.

Well, my Husband Kevin told me we shouldn't let her put "all those posters up." And I searched and thought-"She in her heart and mind has no reason not to." Granted if it was something dangerous or really unhealthy, then she wouldn't have a choice-I'd make the decision for her. But it's Disney Channel actors! It'd be different if it were all boys, or if it was like 'Metallica' or something! I am so grateful it's the posters it is. 

I told Kevin that I thought it was harmless, and as long as I share with her that being so wrapped up in that stuff is a dead end, and I stay on top of her life, I think it's OK. Plus, she's 13! She will grow out of it, and I know it's perfectly healthy, and normal. It's just like boys that age having sports posters.

My hope for Madelynn is that she eventually truly know Christ, and that she won't even care about the posters in her room. And there is a healthy balance; I don't let her buy Cosmo, and she knows why. We keep the communication open.

So this is my one good example of how forbidding something, just because we as christian adults know it isn't right to get life out of celebrities-and we can teach our kids that-but at the same time, giving them the room and chance to grow into their own people!

I think it's more important and successful to focus on teaching your children to look more like Christ. For us as parents to be an example of His character. Encouraging them to make wise choices in regards to music and movies, and friends, and explaining why. For me to focus on my walk as a parent, is so crucial. It is a living example for my child to see what Christ has done for me, and for me to live out my new life. That means I ask for forgiveness from my child, and I tell my child that I need grace too. And we together show mercy, grace and forgiveness. 

I don't believe that my daughter will (for very long) follow some set of rules from the Bible if her heart is missing Jesus. That is trying to work her from "the outside in", and we need to we are built to work from "the inside out". If Madelynn accepts Christ, on her own, by her own will, then her heart will start to change. God does change the desires of our hearts if we truly stay with Him, and seek Him, and His will. Madelynn won't just not listen to KDWB (a horrible hip hop station in Mpls.) because I tell her she can't cuz it's bad. Instead she won't because along with me encouraging her NOT to, and explaining what the songs are saying and how degrading they are, and nasty-and by telling her that it isn't good to hear that stuff because it can stick in your brain etc....and that it isn't good for her, or pleasing to God-she will also not because she will truly not want to. She will be unattracted to it for her own reasons.

When Christ is truly in her heart, and in ours, it comes---dare I say----pretty easy to do God's will and what pleases Him. We will obviously never be sinless, but I think it becomes more natural because of our heart condition, to not. 

Working with our children from the "inside out" means we focus on Jesus. We don't worry so much about our kids having sex before marriage, and saying to them, "Now you can't have sex before marriage, cuz that's a big sin and it's wrong." I mean obviously that is the truth-but if we are encouraging and simplify it by saying something like, "Now, it's not God's plan that you would have sex before you got married, and I would encourage you as a Mother to stay abstinent, because I've seen the dangers it can bring, but if something ever happened and you did, I want you to be able to come to me and I won't condemn you or shame you." 

And often, if not always, trying to remember to talk about the character of Christ. Because if we focus on that, and focus on praying for our children to accept Him on their own, it will be more likely with that "inside" change, that the "outside" will be a walk that is pleasing to God. The outside automatically becomes more obedient if our inside is working in accordance with Jesus. Out of shear mad love for Him, because of what He did-that is what we want our kids to see, what He did for them that looooong day he spent on Calvary's Hill. 

It's only then that we are compelled, even as adults, to really live our new life in Him, not in therory, or in that truth, but in the reality of it. Daily letting go of that old life, and continually replacing it with new parts. Whether one day you are more gentle or patient,  or one day you are less selfish. It all counts as newness in Christ, and that is our goal!

I'm going to Italy!

Well-not quite yet.

Anyone who knows me knows that is my #1 dream destination! And the new book I'm reading-'Eat, Pray, Love', has completely inspired me to SAVE AND SET A DATE! And the person I can't go without is-MY DAD! 

In the book I'm reading, Liz spends 4 months in Italy just for pleasure. So much pleasure, that she gained 24 pounds in 4 months! She ate the best pizza in Italy in Naples, (so this means she had the best pizza in the world because Italy has the best pizza in the world)-and she had 2 whole pizza's to herself, then her and her friend went and had Espresso and Pastries for dessert! Now no one could appreciate that as much as me and my Dad!

The whole point of Italy is going there to enjoy yourself with food. Taking your time during a meal, having wine, and drinking Espresso. Looking for the best Pizza, Pasta and the best Pastries! I just can not wait! 

Liz, the woman in the book said that Rome is very sex driven though! She said people make-out in parks on benches, and just even on the street corner! 

I look forward to the day that I'm posting pictures of my trip to Italy on my blog. . . until then. . .

Happy Birthday Gina-34th!

OK, I'm a month late in posting this, but better than not at all I guess. Can you tell I'm doing catch up? 

Madelynn went to her second rock concert ever the night of my B-day, but before that, her, me,  Kevin, and Kaleigh (her BFF), all went to Ike's downtown Mpls for dinner. It was delish! Wow, I had a Buffalo (hot) Chicken Salad, with a tasty peppercornish, ranchish dressing and french fries!

While the girls were at their Toby Mac concert, we went to hang out at the MOA and got a drink with my girlfriend Ann, and her boyfriend, Luke!

Nells LOVES his new Toy Box!

And the Laundry Basket!