Not From the Outside In

As a 6 year veteran in my walk with Jesus, I have grown and matured in many ways thanks to the Holy Spirit working in me and me holding on to Him for dear life! I went into reading the Bible with a 4th Grade reading comprehension, so the fact that I can read it and understand it, and then convey it and live it out, is truly one of God's miracles!

But one of the big things I've seen on my journey with the Lord, is how the way parents are raising or have raised their kids. I do not want to criticize here or anything like that. I don't want to be judgmental. This is more of an opinion that has formed from experience (I don't even like to form opinions or give them much of my time because that leads to judgement). So look at this more of a perspective, ya, that's a good word, perspective. 

Of a lot of the adults I know now that grew up in "Christian homes", a lot of them were raised similarly. One things I've noticed, (and living with my Husband has opened my eyes up to this a lot), is the voice of the parent/s has been an authoritative one. A lot of kids are raised in christian homes be told what to do and what not to do. Let me be more specific. One things we hope for our children as we raise them is to follow God's will into their singleness, and as they grow in that that they stay abstinent. Another example is that we want to teach our kids to stay away from drunkenness. One other example could be to teach them not to swear. The examples of what we want for our children in a godly life are endless. 

The problem I see with telling your kids to stay away from these things (I am not saying NOT to tell them to stay away from these things or beware of these things)-is that it becomes more or less a set of rules. And you know how it is when we as adults try to abide by a set of rules-if we don't have Christ in us, we could NEVER abide by that list! Anyway, I am not trying to say that we shouldn't teach are kids this stuff, I just think it's been a little backwards for too many years. Here's why.

If we just go on and on to our kids, and give them all these biblical "rules", but they haven't accepted Jesus into their hearts and if they aren't fully surrendered to Him and finding a new life in Him, then that is what they will remain-rules. They won't become a way of life that has made them a new person. In my experience when children are raised this way, they tend to "fall" really hard as adults, or become backsliders. They also can grow up as adults resenting Christianity, or just be mere believers-not really living out God's Word.

One example of this is this: My daughter LOVES LOVES LOVES, I mean LOVES Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana)! She also loves The Disney Channel in general. She is 13. Her room looks like mine did when I was 13 (except my posters were Jon Bon Jovi, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper), you cannot see her pretty painted blue walls any longer! They are line with POSTERS! At first it botheredme; even though most of the kids on her walls are good role models, I just didn't like the focus on the "world" ya know? And how empty it can be to chase after the Hollywood stuff. But I've been there. I was that way up until 6 years ago! I didn't change until God changed the desires of my heart.

Well, my Husband Kevin told me we shouldn't let her put "all those posters up." And I searched and thought-"She in her heart and mind has no reason not to." Granted if it was something dangerous or really unhealthy, then she wouldn't have a choice-I'd make the decision for her. But it's Disney Channel actors! It'd be different if it were all boys, or if it was like 'Metallica' or something! I am so grateful it's the posters it is. 

I told Kevin that I thought it was harmless, and as long as I share with her that being so wrapped up in that stuff is a dead end, and I stay on top of her life, I think it's OK. Plus, she's 13! She will grow out of it, and I know it's perfectly healthy, and normal. It's just like boys that age having sports posters.

My hope for Madelynn is that she eventually truly know Christ, and that she won't even care about the posters in her room. And there is a healthy balance; I don't let her buy Cosmo, and she knows why. We keep the communication open.

So this is my one good example of how forbidding something, just because we as christian adults know it isn't right to get life out of celebrities-and we can teach our kids that-but at the same time, giving them the room and chance to grow into their own people!

I think it's more important and successful to focus on teaching your children to look more like Christ. For us as parents to be an example of His character. Encouraging them to make wise choices in regards to music and movies, and friends, and explaining why. For me to focus on my walk as a parent, is so crucial. It is a living example for my child to see what Christ has done for me, and for me to live out my new life. That means I ask for forgiveness from my child, and I tell my child that I need grace too. And we together show mercy, grace and forgiveness. 

I don't believe that my daughter will (for very long) follow some set of rules from the Bible if her heart is missing Jesus. That is trying to work her from "the outside in", and we need to we are built to work from "the inside out". If Madelynn accepts Christ, on her own, by her own will, then her heart will start to change. God does change the desires of our hearts if we truly stay with Him, and seek Him, and His will. Madelynn won't just not listen to KDWB (a horrible hip hop station in Mpls.) because I tell her she can't cuz it's bad. Instead she won't because along with me encouraging her NOT to, and explaining what the songs are saying and how degrading they are, and nasty-and by telling her that it isn't good to hear that stuff because it can stick in your brain etc....and that it isn't good for her, or pleasing to God-she will also not because she will truly not want to. She will be unattracted to it for her own reasons.

When Christ is truly in her heart, and in ours, it comes---dare I say----pretty easy to do God's will and what pleases Him. We will obviously never be sinless, but I think it becomes more natural because of our heart condition, to not. 

Working with our children from the "inside out" means we focus on Jesus. We don't worry so much about our kids having sex before marriage, and saying to them, "Now you can't have sex before marriage, cuz that's a big sin and it's wrong." I mean obviously that is the truth-but if we are encouraging and simplify it by saying something like, "Now, it's not God's plan that you would have sex before you got married, and I would encourage you as a Mother to stay abstinent, because I've seen the dangers it can bring, but if something ever happened and you did, I want you to be able to come to me and I won't condemn you or shame you." 

And often, if not always, trying to remember to talk about the character of Christ. Because if we focus on that, and focus on praying for our children to accept Him on their own, it will be more likely with that "inside" change, that the "outside" will be a walk that is pleasing to God. The outside automatically becomes more obedient if our inside is working in accordance with Jesus. Out of shear mad love for Him, because of what He did-that is what we want our kids to see, what He did for them that looooong day he spent on Calvary's Hill. 

It's only then that we are compelled, even as adults, to really live our new life in Him, not in therory, or in that truth, but in the reality of it. Daily letting go of that old life, and continually replacing it with new parts. Whether one day you are more gentle or patient,  or one day you are less selfish. It all counts as newness in Christ, and that is our goal!