A Long Overdue Shout Out

My daughter and I were at Target today, and for days she's been talking about the Hannah Montana Movie that is coming out this coming weekend. Then she started talking about the Soundtrack to the Movie.

The fact that my daughter is 14, and STILL loves Hannah Montana makes my day!!! SO I bought her the Album because it's like I'm trying to hold on to any glimpse of "little girl-ness" that I can. And then it reminded me again and again, over and over. She is the only one I got.

Which is A LOT--but, it has been a struggle after getting married, to not have a child with my Husband, and not being able to give him any of his own. I won't see any other child go through growing up--when I'm done with Madelynn, I'm done. And then it hit me, and I was overcome with sadness, but then reminded of how wonderful my Husband, Kevin has been for 7 years in the aspect of me not being able to have children. I mean, he probably thought he'd graduate College, and marry (which he did), then have kids, like most men.

Not once, not once in my time with Kevin has he ever been anything less than SUPPORTIVE and wonderful and patient and understanding, and loving regarding the whole matter.

He has only even told me ONCE I think that yes, he would have liked his own child, but maybe ONCE.

He has never blamed me, or shamed me, or been upset with me about it. I need to recognize that, ya know. I could dwell in it and feel awful like I have in the past, but I can't sit in that guilt. Or say, "I wish."

So as I watch my daughters last technically 4 years in my presence, and I think about the sadness, and the thought of a life "without" Madelynn, and wish there might be another child, and a child for my Husband, I will instead focus on the precious gift of support and love through the years from him as we've dealt with not being able to have a child together.

(and the little glimpse's of madelynn still being "little", like liking Hannah Montana:}

His support deserves a BIG SHOUT OUT! GO KEVIN!